This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
