Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
