Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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