so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
