should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
