Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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