great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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