i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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