i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
