PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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