My hand turned me down
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
