There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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