Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
