I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
