That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize