I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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