i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
