I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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