He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
