who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
