the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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