"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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