Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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