In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
