there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
