So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
