It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
