He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
