all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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