When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
