thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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