Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
