As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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