You can't motorboat a personality
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The air taste purple.
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