Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
