just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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