Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
