the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize