Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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