Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
