I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize