Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
