like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
