Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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