This show inspires me to have sex in space
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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