I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
