u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
