I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Terrible idea I love it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
