ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
