I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
