Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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