This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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