It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
