After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize