Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
