It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
