I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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