please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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