Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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