he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
