He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
50% drunk capacity currently
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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