So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
