Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
