He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
