I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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