Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
