dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
