Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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