We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
