ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
