i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
