its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
