If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
