I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My vagina is officially offended.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
