Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
