she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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