When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
