DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
