oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
