you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
